I'd wear matching sweaters with you
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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