Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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