I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
