he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
