I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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