Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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