I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
50% drunk capacity currently
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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