i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
