A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
