trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
