He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
