you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
