I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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