pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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