dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
