i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
