happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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