I puked a lego.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
