I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
