i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
