im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
