hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
