Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
