the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
