i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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