I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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