My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
