Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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