Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize