Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize