wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
