you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
