Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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