I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
