My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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