its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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