oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
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So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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