What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
