dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
someone get that fucking seahorse.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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