I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
