i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
