last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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