I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
