I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
