Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
