I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
