a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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