Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
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There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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