i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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