Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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