i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
