On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize