I just threw up on my dentist
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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