tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
