You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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