After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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