Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
