i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
